Relationships at Work 2.0

The new Bail Yourself Out podcast is hosted by Kandice Whitaker, a successful entrepreneur, and specialist in navigating corporate culture. With a fresh new approach to maximizing optimal career moves - the Bail Yourself Out podcast is where the power lunch and the after-work happy hour intersect for dynamic business discussions in a relaxed atmosphere.
Follow us @BAILYourselfOut

Season 2 Episode 3 - "Becoming You: Inventory and Self Assessment"
Continuation of - Relationships at Work Season 1 Episode 1
Guest Co-Host - Yolanda Gore
Guest - Rod Minger

Keep up with Kandice Whitaker and the BAIL Yourself Out Community Online
www.linktr.ee/bailyourselfoutpod
© 2023 Alpha and Omega Consulting Inc. All rights reserved.

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 2:16 Rod Minger Intro
• 4:27 Have you had a relationship at work?
• 7:34 The smash rules
• 10:31 Can you meet people outside of work?
• 16:17 Dating a co-worker?
• 20:20 What happens when the relationship ends?
• 21:00 Knowing who you're dealing with
• 26:03 The 20%
• 31:00 The 20%'s effect
• 35:53 Have you seen inappropriate behavior at work?
• 43:13 Are POC held to a different standard?

Transcript

Speaker: 0:00

Welcome to the bail yourself out Happy Hour Podcast, where each week we'll help you navigate the corporate jungle. Here's your host Kandice Whitaker.

Kandice Whitaker: 0:10

Nope it's happy hour. I'm your coworker Kandice with a K pull up a chair and your favorite drink for the bail yourself out. Happy Hour is about to start now. Welcome friends to the bail yourself out Happy Hour podcast. Quick question for you. Have you dated someone at work? If you have, you're in good company, according to research most people have and that's exactly what we're going to talk about today. Y'all remember you landed from last season. That's where this conversation started and baby did we learn a whole lot. And of course, learning is extremely important to personal growth. Remember the L in BAIL is learned on life's journey, we should learn from our experiences and also the experiences of others. I'm so excited about today's episode with the wonderful Yolanda Gore as our guest co host and special guests comedian Rod Minger. It is gonna get spicy in the lounge as we touch on controversial aspects of workplace relationships, and the different approaches to making genuine connections that work because allies are important. And we've got the tea on how Rod successfully navigated a workplace romance. So as we navigate the complexities of relationships, whether at work or beyond, Let's toast to making informed decisions and the intricate dance of love wherever you may find it. Thanks for joining us where business meets happy hour the BAIL yourself out Happy Hour podcast. Keep it where you got it.

Van Whitaker: 1:44

You're listening to Kandice with a k. And together we'll learn how to BAIL yourself out. Believe that you can. A accept change is a natural part of any process. I inventory your strengths and the strengths available to you. L learn from your experience and the experience of others.

Kandice Whitaker: 2:06

So tell me are you enjoying the show? Going ahead and rate us five stars and leave a comment now back to the show. Hey everybody hey this is your girl Kandice with the K on the bill yourself out Happy Hour lounge I am so excited about today's episode we are doing relationships at work 2.0 So Guess who's here on Happy Hour lounge couch with me? My girl Yolanda Gore, yall already know her but we also invited as our special guests for today, Rod Minger.

Rod Minger: 2:44

You pulled up on the struggle bus I mean you were driving that struggle bus pull right and if you didn't know what was gonna come I felt the struggle. I felt the power of the struggle as you get ready to say my last name. I felt it and I feel disrespected. Thank you God bless Good night. That was real light skinned statement was it but go ahead.

Kandice Whitaker: 3:06

Try to get a special guest host today he is a fool if you haven't gotten it by now. His name is Rod Minger.

Rod Minger: 3:17

Thank you, thank you. I appreciate you pronouncing that right. I made all the rhymes with half the alphabet. Dinger, linger singer all those things. Okay. What else do you want us to know about you besides your name, crazy. Man, Rob maker, actor, comedian do a lot of hilarious skits all over Instagram and Facebook. Follow me on YouTube. I do a lot of mini series on there.

Unknown: 3:38

Including the Tiffany Gotti family, which is a child friendly show. Also a part of scenarios. I've worked with the modern creative Jay childish. I have a movie coming out this fall called vampire mist on BET plus, and I have a Christmas movie coming out this year, called He Who Findeth it comes out on TV One starring myself, Q Parker, Erica Hubbard and Brad James. So that's it, and just one official tissue come home to the happy hour lounge. So this conversation has started based off of our episode last season on relationships that work. We talked about all kinds of relationships, friends at work, and then we kind of got into a rabbit hole about dating relationships at work that got so good. He was like, You know what, we just gonna do a whole episode on that. And we invited you as part of the conversation because you have so many topics on relationships.

Kandice Whitaker: 4:33

So you know, everybody talks about that all the time. So it was a Forbes article that came out in July. And his job was crazy. So when we initially pulled the statistic back at the end of 2002, they said 75% of people and that was from a different source. But now we're down to 60% of people have admitted to having a workplace romance according to Forbes. So my first question is to you. Are you in

Rod Minger: 5:00

Okay, I am in the 60%.Married as a part of the 60% Yes, so me and my wife, my wife both worked on Disney Cruise the 60%? And what do you think about that? Well, first of all, I have two questions. I want to ask about Lines, which is where we met. She's a ballet dancer. She played Tiana on the ship as far as the ensemble with the dance that. Because I want to know about working on a cruise ship. team. I was the adult emcee, we met at work. And we started flirting and never stopped. So yes, I am part of that. 60% But why we lost in the she got to stop okay. We would work for it like I don't do that play cuz that's my play brother. Oh, that's my work husband on he's not alternative don't use those times the house. That's definitely grow you work with. This is a girl that worked with That's it. That's the end of it. But it can work out. It can work out. It can happen. I'm I'm a victim of it. I didn't mean to be a victim of it. But I've seen it and I realized I didn't want her not around. So I had to keep moving. I had put my foot down. It solidified what the hell we had going on. But my question related to the topic is have you ever dealt with anybody at work besides your wife? Whoa, whoa, hello. You mean like before? Way before? Right Way?

Kandice Whitaker: 6:28

Before We're not talking about during, after. Married? Right?

Rod Minger: 6:34

No. So I was actually a big fan of not doing that. Because I feel like it's awkward to sleep with somebody to have them at work the next day. Know that. This very strange. So I was I'm 40 I just turned 40 Friday happy but I was corporate till I was about 31-32 which going into started to and I think I was I was very stern on not dating people from work because you just you can't smash people from work. It's hard to like Yeah, but you know, you smashed we have those smash eye contacts and people like that. What does that does? Did ya'll smash? You know, people people notice, and they say this lady's different. You act different. You do your act different. You're like, if you're like the guy. Yeah. See, Yolanda, let me talk somebody know how to tell the truth on this line. There's a difference between the flinging smash and the guy you like smash through?

Yolanda Gore: 7:32

Correct.

Rod Minger: 7:33

Okay, I have a magnetic energy. I always attracted that. Oh, let me see where this goes. Smash. And even if I want it to be the flingy one, so it's best to not do that at work.

Kandice Whitaker: 7:46

Yolanda we just have a man that admitted he has demon D that's what that is.

Rod Minger: 7:51

Oh my god.

Kandice Whitaker: 7:53

You have that D that makes women go crazy? No.

Yolanda Gore: 7:58

This is a wonderful thing.

Rod Minger: 8:00

In my defense. I'm fun to I'm a very fun guy. I was raised by women I was raised my mother, my grandmother. So even if it was a flame, who's gonna have a good time? Even if I didn't want to be with her if I didn't want a relationship with that person. We're gonna have fun, we're gonna kick it we're gonna do some fun cute dates just to hang out that way. stalkers is not that deep. I've had a couple of ones bust out. You know, I had a couple pop ups. You know, I've had, I've had a couple of those.

Yolanda Gore: 8:27

Which is exactly why self awareness is a good thing as to why you don't deal with people at work or Know thyself. You know, your vibe is like don't even open it. I was actually shocked to see some of these numbers on this article because a couple of things stood out to me the one of the points on this article stated that less than one in five say that dating a colleague is unprofessional. And that is wild to me. We said that you don't shit where you eat. Get I don't believe in sleeping with girls who live in a neighborhood you have a

Rod Minger: 9:00

neighborhood laundromat or at the tennis court? The pool. Now how cool is

Yolanda Gore: 9:06

that rule at

Kandice Whitaker: 9:07

first, but then I had a dude that I met during COVID In my neighborhood, so I met him in a neighborhood and when I tell you this Negro would just pull up would just pull up. Yeah.

Rod Minger: 9:20

Yeah, I'm not offended. I'm not

Kandice Whitaker: 9:23

I didn't know I should have that rule. Until that happened to me. So yeah.

Rod Minger: 9:29

There's a lot on written rules. No neighborhood no neighborhood smashes, no works masters. No friend of friend smashes no friend of a family members masters lie is the license a lot of unwritten that can be awkward rules. Because you don't see them somewhere. You don't see them at a wedding. birthday party. Do you gotta like he smashed the hole. How you doing? You know, you gotta

Yolanda Gore: 9:55

imagine having to act like this when you're at work. I mean, at took the time and I read through the article and I realized that I'm the minority like I am just amazed because I worked in corporate my whole life. I'm groomed by corporate, I guess you can say. And I could not imagine, I would have never thought that one in five people would have said that they didn't a colleague is unprofessional, I thought the number would have been higher. I thought more people would have said, Oh, no, it's not professional. But another thing that kind of stuck out and we this can go into a whole nother conversation is that the second leading driving factor is the lack of time outside of work to meet people. Hence why people feel as though meeting people at work is better. They

Kandice Whitaker: 10:35

know that logic is flawed. Because you decide you want to get your little freak on at work, you slot into the broom closet, and then you want to bloody you got plenty of time.

Yolanda Gore: 10:46

Let's say I've seen that. I've seen that. Stop it. I

Rod Minger: 10:50

know damn. Well, that's not how it goes. It goes like this. Oh, man, it's a lot of traffic on the way to the home. Maybe we should stop at a happy hour. Oh, we're having a Christmas party. It's gonna be open bar. Let's get there early. You know that, oh, let's do a group work outing. And that's where those relationships start. It ain't gonna be from a little you know, I can't meet nobody is it's always those after work things, they always lead to something else. Always. That is

Yolanda Gore: 11:20

a good point to get this information from I need to know, because that's a lie. Are you really that consumed with working that much. And you know, society has changed, bills have checked, like things have gotten crazy. But that was wild to me that people are justifying, meeting and dealing with people at work, because they have no other time to not work. And

Kandice Whitaker: 11:44

so what they want to do, and they make everything work, they make it work. That's a lot. That's a lot. Judge Judy said if it don't make sense, it's not true. That's fair. I gotta tell you guys this. So over the weekend, or the end of last week, I was at blackest tech conference in Atlanta. So there's a lot of different black people in tech, I ended up at happy hour, we're talking to a lady who was an HR professional. She was telling me, one of the managers basically had people that was staying late at work, and getting busy in the training room multiple times, right. So the manager came in, and snitch the HR, basically like, well, they're in there. Now. You can go stop them, if you want to know that she was like, Okay, I'm not going in there. I'm not. But if you want to go in and break it up, you can ask questions, right? Do not have homes, do not have a car. Why do you need to do this at work?

Rod Minger: 12:50

Anybody smashing at work has a full on live in relationship.

Kandice Whitaker: 12:56

That was the truth. They were both married? Yes, yeah, that's what ended up being true. And she told me because they didn't have a policy against smashing at work. Neither one of them got fired for that. She's but because it was a call center, their productivity went down. So they were able to get them on

Rod Minger: 13:15

board. It's gonna be weird. The Christmas part is gonna be weird, but it's okay. That

Yolanda Gore: 13:19

actually does coincide with this, that on the article that says 62% of people have reported their relationships, HR, that's over half. So in this case, it looks like they were busted by HR. But this is also driving HR to create policies, detailed poxy surrounding these activities.

Kandice Whitaker: 13:36

That's what the lady was saying. She said that they have the fraternization policy, but like they didn't have in detail. You shouldn't have sex at work, because you should know that. So

Yolanda Gore: 13:50

to me that what I thought I knew I'm questioning myself because I really am a part of the minority with this. I would never the work Yolanda and the wifey Alana. I'll say because I am happily married to James, shout out to James, that's been my guy, you know, and I, I can't imagine him having to deal with work EULA, that's my guy. So him having deals with a different version of Yolanda him, I don't know if we would survive if he's dealt with work Yolanda, because it's just completely different. You know, if I manage people, I don't talk down aggressively to people, but I can be very direct. Whereas with my husband, I'm softer. So I wouldn't know how to switch up and change that up in the workplace, especially dealing with my husband, because then people are gonna be like, Oh, clearly there's favoritism. I'm like, yeah, there is but I'm not talking to my husband. I mean, I'll admit that I mean, I'm just saying there is favoritism. Now I am used to working in large corporations, right. So if I worked in it, and he worked completely, like, you know, physical therapy or whatever that section of the hospital that's completely different departments so we can survive that. Right. But if we work within the same department, I've seen people have relationships with people within the same department. Now, I remember this one gentleman who had a relationship with a girl. And within the same department, I'm talking, they report to the same manager. Every time the manager goes to the men's desk, who say, thumb, she would put her head around the corner seeing what's going on. How are you going to survive? How are you going to focus on work? Because now it's like, oh, she's talking to my man crazy. What's going on? Yeah, no, that's, that's his boss. And security. Yeah. Like, those lines don't need to be crossed. Again, two totally different departments might work within the same department. I think that that's crazy. And I can jeopardize my money. Rod is the

Kandice Whitaker: 15:45

only one of us who's actually done this and done it successfully. So what it looked like in your case,

Rod Minger: 15:51

I met her at 30. I was 34. But it wasn't intentional. I was still a big firm believer in like, you know, don't don't eat way you should, you know, I'm almost or whatever. But when I say my wife, man, I was like, Yo, man who was dead? You don't say just because I was working. I was working with Disney. 50 odd to cast members. Quick numbers. 50 on the cast members. 100 black of the 100 and a black, less than 20 are American. Well, just bigger, that bigger, right right there. So nothing is chocolate American girl dancing this show. Let me just go meet her and see what's going on. So she says the show, I go backstage, they have a trapdoor they can go through. So they had to go out to the crowd. So I don't see her for like another two weeks. So I'm like down. So this is not protection, just like let me meet this other black person that's on the ship. Right? So then one day, I see you're sitting outside on this little bit on the fourth day, that's the main day wherever everybody does a little laps and shit. And she's gonna probably have an argument with a guy, probably the Negro before me. And it had been like two weeks since I've seen it. That's how big the chips are on this group. They're the they're like the biggest cruise line. Yeah. And so when I seen I was like, I probably got to say something now, because I don't know when I'm gonna see it again. So I kind of walked up to and I let me tell you something really clever to say. And so as he was arguing, caught up on I was like, hey, oh, hey, hang up, hang up, hang up. It's let's take the therapies out. And then we started talking and we got we stay cool from there. But we got a friendship There was always gonna be friends. You know, we weren't here you know, blah, blah, blah. We're gonna have friends when they hang too much. start becoming friends with benefits, the flirtation, the territorial stuff that I happen to do you know, we are married. That's how that's how life happens. But before that, I would have never done it. But this was the one time I broke the rule. I was like, Yeah, I'm gonna go see what's up with that. But I think with working on cruise lines, you kind of live there. Right? So it kind of becomes your home. It becomes your home away from home. So there's a lot of married stories from Disney. A lot of people meet on a ship and end up married and go live in whoever selected country or wherever our state they live in us, us, whatever. So it works out like that. Just ships. But I worked the mobile. No.

Kandice Whitaker: 18:04

How long did that go on? Where you guys like lived and worked together?

Rod Minger: 18:08

For about three and a half years. Wow. Yeah. Oh,

Kandice Whitaker: 18:12

wow. How long were you guys together before you got married?

Rod Minger: 18:16

Met her in January of 2018. We just got married April of 2022.

Yolanda Gore: 18:22

Oh

Kandice Whitaker: 18:26

all right. I'm gonna end this segment on a happy note. When we get back we're going to talk about how relationships can affect your work maybe in a negative way. If they're not going great. PHIL Yeah. We'll be back. Going Yeah, happy hour communities family online with a party never stops. Check out bail yourself out. On socials Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tik Tok. We'll see you there.

Van Whitaker: 18:56

Let's learn some more.

Kandice Whitaker: 18:57

Hey, y'all what's up this is your girl Candace with the K we're back in the bail yourself out Happy Hour lounge I got my co host today Yolanda gore and today I

Rod Minger: 19:09

feel like he's gonna jack it up so I just wanted to jump on in your face she looked very nervous about what was going on next. Let me go and duck down to Jack my name up so let me just go jump in and just interrupt this debacle because it's definitely gonna go downhill so let me jump in there.

Kandice Whitaker: 19:28

Oh my god. So now I have PTSD about say today but I've got to

Rod Minger: 19:35

put on an episode of How do you call it the wrong rod I want you to put that on the episode that will be my guy

Kandice Whitaker: 19:43

will tell that story at another time. We talked about how a boy right he actually has been successful at finding a relationship that has really worked for him at work even though me a lot of we still feel weird about it. I ain't gonna hold you I'm Not having relationship at work, you don't shit where you eat. As far as I'm concerned, it makes me a little nervous. The flip side of that is we talk about relationships at work. And this statistic is talking about all the good stuff, you know, compatibility, and it's convenient. And it's great. But like, what happens when that relationship goes south and y'all seeing each other every day?

Rod Minger: 20:25

That's why you shouldn't do it. That's exactly why you shouldn't do it. This this that was my story is I would have never done that work in a corporate job on land. Could you imagine you're both working at Publix, you'd have general manager and she the produce manager. And then when you're planning on quitting, and you have to look at her everyday, didn't get to boss around a little bit and actually think everything is personal. needs to be replaced. You know,

Kandice Whitaker: 20:55

let me put it to you this way. This is how I think about it. Think about the worst breakup you've ever had. Gotta give everybody a second to think about.

Rod Minger: 21:04

I need a millisecond. It's okay. Go ahead.

Kandice Whitaker: 21:08

My worst breakup right here. Imagine having to show up to work with the worst breakup you have. The worst breakup I had. I was together with the dude for almost two years. He kept saying we were about to get married on bleeder ship, but that's a different conversation. And then the negative has turned into caspo legit ghosted me. It took me a good three months to even be able to think about it and not be very emotional. I can't imagine having to be in the same building with him every day. Yeah.

Rod Minger: 21:44

Women shout out to women, man because some of the stuff y'all experience from guys. It's just while I know a girl she was in love this guy. They had season tickets to the Falcons. They haven't taken trips. They haven't spent a holiday together. And she found out after two years of dating him. He was married at a whole family.

Yolanda Gore: 22:00

Oh my god,

Rod Minger: 22:02

I mean, pictures on Facebook. I mean, kicking it having a good time.

Kandice Whitaker: 22:06

Home girls, let me PPR again, when you meet somebody, you want to take that picture wherever you met them. Do a Google search on their picture. Because if they got their low Facebook picture with their family, yes, save yourself some heartache up front. Yeah. Also, if you don't have a picture, you could just put in Google their name. And like where they went to school or something like that. Because unfortunately, you got to turn into full blown and inspect the gadget because folks be lying for no reason.

Rod Minger: 22:39

I mean, what a sign that women like to ignore if Negro never want you to come to his house. Red flag. If you find your hand red flag, if you never want to take a picture ever, even if you don't want to post it red flag. This is several things that I think women ignore. Like a dude wants to come to the house. He always want to come to your house. Come on out. He can't talk after a certain time. Every time you do talk to him. We get home a salad he outside in the car. Come on, man. Come on, man. Keep going. You

Kandice Whitaker: 23:06

definitely should. And you know what, here's the thing, right? Yolanda knows this about me, but those who are listening don't. I was married for a very long time. So I basically married my second boyfriend. And we were together for 20 years. Right? When you put together to dating, and the marriage, it was 20 years all in. So when I got out and was dating after I got divorced. I don't know any of these things. Because they nobody has cell phones was no social media. The last time I dated. For me, I was like, I feel like I'm out here swimming in the ocean. And I didn't know anything. It was bad.

Rod Minger: 23:44

28 years, I read a statistic that said people don't get divorced, usually have spent 50% more time than they should have. So

Kandice Whitaker: 23:52

that's a fact. I almost filed for divorce in 2009.

Rod Minger: 23:57

This is my second marriage. So my first one the statistic which was well I made it four years. I knew in the first year that had made a mistake. But I just want to fight to not be another statistic. I don't want to be another guy that was divorced. But I knew I knew the first time like, what have I done?

Kandice Whitaker: 24:13

What made you say Yo, we out because I was nine years before I said that I

Rod Minger: 24:17

met a stranger. So my wife, ex wife, she was a hot chick when she was prom, moved here, got into the church real heavy, got all spiritual. And then I met that person. Then once we got married, went back to the hood person. So I spent the whole marriage trying to figure out who the hell she was. She was another person that's like it was just a complete stranger. Yeah,

Kandice Whitaker: 24:40

I mean have heard half holy, yeah.

Rod Minger: 24:43

Oh, I don't mind it, but you gotta it's gotta be some genuine it's got to be some authenticity to you. Correct.

Kandice Whitaker: 24:49

She wasn't actually holy at all like that.

Rod Minger: 24:52

Features a hood chick she ran from a bad relationship. And the church was first president. Oh, come on. Welcome. Okay, I've been I've been in fights too. Yeah, I've been through that. And I met definitely the end. Look, a wolf in sheep's clothing so long. That's hard.

Yolanda Gore: 25:11

Wow. My husband and I survived my whole college years. Yeah, we were friends. He's, we've made it through, you know, my college years. And we were like, Yeah, this is this is like, he's been my guy ever since. And I pray. I've been how long. I've been married for 12 years now, this year makes it 12 years, and I've been happy. We've had times that were rough. But I think us to your point, knowing who you're dealing with, right? Because people change we grow. But you got to have a good foundation. I've been happy. I can't imagine being on the scene dating now. You're comfortable. Where you know,

Rod Minger: 25:50

we're not talking about people about marriage. I tell people 80% of the time, you should be great. Yeah. But even with that, you need to prepare for 20% of the time to be like bruh. And if you can prepare for that mentally. You can survive it. Libre, but the problem is this new generation even I didn't realize I came to say a new generation, our generation when the 20% hit that, like that's what it is all the time. Yeah, you've been fine. You've been fine. 80% of the time. Yeah. Now the present moment exam. Now you ready to leave? Yeah, that's this men and women all. I have podcast, I had to mute them on Instagram. It's so stupid and stuff. They say. It's so ignorant. How the lack of the lack of communication has this failed, especially our race. The lack of communication is embarrassing. Like nobody talks about anything. Oh, this what it is my hunger to have this. I should go. I learned this from a podcast. I learned this from a TV show. This what it is this has gone go. Oh, he lost his job. I'm leaving him. Oh, she's sick. I'm leaving her all you know, it's insane. Are we in the argument? She don't like my friends. I'm out, bro. This

Yolanda Gore: 27:00

crazy.

Kandice Whitaker: 27:01

I agree with the 20%. And I definitely think you're on track with that. But I'm the type of person and this is my toxic trait in relationships and in life where I always give people way more chances and probably way more understanding than I should. Right. So I look at it and say I say you're right, brother. But the other flip side of it is when my God first generation with access to mental health care, and information. So I think it's going to take us a minute to really get healthy and stable in that regard. And the other thing of it out there, there's so much information from so many sources. literally anybody can come up and say that we're expert on whatever How the hell do you know what to listen to him? What's right, I think some people have just been unfortunately betrayed by the fact that we have internet and anybody who wants to can have a platform. When we were growing up. You and I, Yolanda us we all had TV. We all knew TV was fake. It wasn't even reality TV. Right? That is fake to our society. Our minds haven't gotten to that. It's the same level as TV. It really is. Is entertainment fam.

Rod Minger: 28:17

I watch stuff like when the scandal happened with Derrick Jackson last year. Ah, how many women were so hurt, and I'm not knocking nobody's hustle do have some good points that he made even with his scandal. But as a man who's been a man for 40 years, I was watching his videos like nobody's that perfectly logical. So when I was like, when we like oh my god, my Savior. I'm like, bro, that there's still a guy still man. Nobody's that perfectly logical all the time. 24/7 and a marriage? Because let me tell you I don't care how strong you are. You can do it your soulmate. I know and you love you've been married longer to me. When that torch say hit. You be shaky? Yeah. Like bruh? No, yeah,

Yolanda Gore: 29:00

we've hit that 20% several times. That's part direction. And the one thing that we just come back to our our foundation is just friendship. And just saying, as print, let's just talk to people really quick and just let's get some things out. And that's, I think you have to find your center in your relationship. And I think that is important and to Kansas, his point about how there's just so many blurred lines between what's on Instagram what is on social media versus reality. Reality is this is the person that I've chosen to grow old with. And we always tell each other you owe me 60 more summers. So maybe we die when we're 97 years old. And then that's just that mean life happens. We're going to we're going to experience several 20% Be it self inflicted, like something that we've done to inflict that 20% or life just lightning

Rod Minger: 29:53

and all people change. And I think people people change your personality change your habits. Don't worry, yeah, hobbies, man they

Yolanda Gore: 30:05

were living. We should exactly we should evolve. But I always it. It's scary when you don't know if the person that you're with is evolving into someone that you like, my aunt was together with her husband for 25 years and she said, you know you want to one day I realized that I don't like this man. I don't like how he is I don't like his mannerisms. I don't like how he's always trying to shade people like just foundational things about him. She just did not like and that's the third part of this. And that's the unknown. We don't know, I'm praying that you and your wife have 2030 4050 years of beautiful life with one another. But what happens if there isn't there is a chance that she can turn into somebody that you're just like, oh my god, as a person. I don't like you. That scary part about being in a relationship with

Rod Minger: 30:53

me. Real fast. Will you wait for the day I'm at the beach, I would go outside. I was I was on days. I was outside. I

Kandice Whitaker: 31:03

have a question. I have a question. Rod. This is for all of us, though. Okay, now, Rod, and I have both experienced divorce. Right, y'all. Yolanda and Rod are married. I'm outside, however, come up. When Yolanda you're going through your 20% Rod when you go through your 20% or when I was getting a divorce? How did that affect your work life?

Yolanda Gore: 31:26

Very much.

Kandice Whitaker: 31:26

There's a reason I'm asking that question. Right? Yeah. Because as a person who has been in corporate most of my life, right, one of the reasons that I'm outside right now is because that last horrible breakup, when I tell you, it affected my life so much for like five months, that was worse than my divorce. Because the divorce was gradual, right? This, what the hell just happened, I got the carpet pulled out from under me, that was so traumatic to me, gotten to the point where I'm unwilling to put myself out there in that level, because I can't have my life disrupted like that. That's tough to do. We got podcasts out here, we got contracts, we out here, we doing stuff. So unless you come into the table, and you got something for real, for real, I don't have room in my life for that level of disruption. I know what that looks like in terms of my life. But have you guys experienced that? Absolutely.

Yolanda Gore: 32:21

It does impact your work life, bringing it full circle back to our topic, one of our last 20% loads, it was huge, it was a physical issue with me, you know, 20%, not to overshare. But where our last 20% We lost a child. And that can either bring you and your spouse together. Or it can separate you it can do a lot. And I can tell you immediately my productivity at work was nowhere near what it usually is. My engagement with my staff, in general was nowhere near where it usually is. So it can negatively impact your you might own mental, but also, I couldn't imagine having to deal with my spouse at work during those lows. It does have an impact on it, which is why as beautiful as rock story is I will still stand 10 toes down in the No, no, no, I'm not in the workplace. Well,

Rod Minger: 33:14

first thing I'm happy to acknowledge that you experienced I'm sorry to hear that I experienced that last year myself. That is difficult. But also with me. I'm in an industry where I can't afford to let it affect me at work. You know, I just had a show Saturday, I had a migraine the whole show. Level one. How painful was it? It was a nine. Oh, as a comedian as an actor, as part of the skits and content. I kind of got to shake it off. But that's just because the question I chose, you know, I got divorced, I was corporate and it definitely affected my work. I was more chatty with people because I started a new job probably like a couple of months after and I wanted to build a new network of people because I hated being alone with it makes sense. So I was kind of like going out and hanging with people at work but like now if we're to 12% I gotta fight my best to find a solution before I go back out because it's hard enough as an independent we're outside and yeah, there's no there's people flirting us up. If I wanted to do it, conclave she said I could have been outside if I'm wanting to but I chose not to I don't I don't want that type of stress. So I just have kind of tried to show you how best I can and then go to work because I'm gonna professional I have to be on nobody wants to be gonna stay late man show it'll be a good night man. Man. My girl had arguments today. I have to shake it off.

Kandice Whitaker: 34:28

I have a question that I want to talk about after we go on this break. I want to talk about if y'all have experienced inappropriate behavior at work but rod as entertainer appropriate is relative as hell. So we'll put a paperclip and we're gonna talk about that when we get back. We'll be back.

Van Whitaker: 34:47

Get the 411 on the bail yourself out Happy Hour lounge community by signing up for our community newsletter. And when you sign up, you'll get a free download of your choice and you'll be entered to win and limited edition fill yourself that podcast t shirt, you know monthly drone. Sign up today at heal yourself out. pod.com We'll see you there.

Kandice Whitaker: 35:07

Do you want me to speak at your next event hit the up at bail yourself out. pod.com Now back to the show. Welcome back to bail yourself out. Happy Hour podcast, y'all. I'm chilling with your mana rod today. I want to talk about we talked about dating at work. 60% of people said they've had a dating relationship according relationship. At work. They trippin just down for the last time we talked about is 75%. Okay, cool. But I want to know, Have y'all ever experienced inappropriate dating behavior at work?

Rod Minger: 35:44

Oh, oh, no, I got a few answers for that. So that was when I was corporate. I did have a girl that had a crush. And this was weird. She was a virgin. Okay, so that was awkward because I was already she was a virgin. Definitely told me definitely act like it and moved like it. And I just want to fan to that. But she was kind of like, you know, I want to trust you to be the guy. And I'm like, Dude, don't take virginity at 31 years old. I think it's awkward. Okay, so that was awkward. Okay. Second thing is I've been out my wife. And I've had a girl black boy. If you had a wedding ring on, boy, I might have to show you a thing. So you ain't got no kids. It's mattify video. You funny you sexy ain't got no kids. Whatever ring is save you a list. You don't need to say right here. Right here.

Yolanda Gore: 36:34

Hey, you got a wife like me? Are you Lada? Nah. No, no. Run away. Girl come out because slept people. Okay, no

Kandice Whitaker: 36:47

way. Aretha Franklin ain't no way. So why? Her Bing Bing. Wonderful. Whoa,

Rod Minger: 36:56

she didn't. I don't think she caught the whole thing. She's a car. She's probably at the end when I was like, Hey, yo, till I say she was gonna in our own conversation over here. And I kind of caught it to the right trying to defuse it before we got worse. My wife he's playing Oh yeah, I want to stay open. I want it was a black hole and established and I wanted to be remain open. Now I don't want I want it. I want to I haven't got my full job. So I just wanted to take the

Kandice Whitaker: 37:29

Rough Riders would have been rolling up. That is horrible. Yes,

Rod Minger: 37:34

I've had. Yeah. That's different. They're getting if they get a little bolder, they're getting a little Yeah.

Yolanda Gore: 37:40

Just

Kandice Whitaker: 37:41

this area in the DMV where I live. dudes don't care. You could legit be out what to do. And they'll roll up on you. I'm like, so where I'm from now to get your shot. Period.

Rod Minger: 37:54

Not I'd be doing the most they'd be the most so if like my nigga, chill. Yeah, my hunger is pointed at my best female friend. She's getting married. In Jamaica. What did you make on the 25th? So it's exciting. But she's got her fiance we're out in a duel was just straight like, what's up like you happy like dudes be like real reckless in Atlanta, because I think it's gonna dudes that didn't go outside during the pandemic and not the outside. And I think why would you even want the girl that you could have snatched it anyway? Because you get natural light that if she was down for that somebody could snatch it from you like that. You're

Kandice Whitaker: 38:32

right, how'd you get a miss how you keep them all day long. But I will say this. We did this to ourselves as a society. Because there are so many people who are married and in committed relationships, and they be outside. Oh, man. Oh, you know, I'm single. Right? I've said that. But I learned very early on one of the first lessons that I've learned was to ask men if they were married, because foolish me. I assumed that any man who would approach me in that way was snuggling. Yeah, wrong. Oh, these

Rod Minger: 39:07

those data rings. I'll quit. I'm taking pictures with dudes at events and they had a ring finger and the pitcher. You know you tagged him on the pitch and they reposted us as a dough pitcher. And they looked at their ring finger missing every yet I obeyed a repost. Oh my god. Oh, I'm like Brian got time to explain it.

Yolanda Gore: 39:28

Honestly, it depends on the day with my husband and I sometimes we have our rings off sometimes we don't weight fluctuates. So we always have to like resize it or put the thing in it full circle back to the workplace. I think every one of us has experienced people misbehaving in the workplace. And I think how you address it determines how far it will go. If you know that you are a married person you're in a committed budget. People will know you can say but so much to rob but he's not gonna go too far with him because he won't play by his wife. Right. Stay Same for my husband, same thing for me. And I've had men try to cross those lines. And it wasn't even on some point, I got a call James so he could pull up. I will take care of it. And if that if it goes a step further, I let them know what could happen to them before the night is over. And I'm not talking about in a way, I'm not talking about no happy ending type of way. And people know where I'm going with that. Because I already know how am I before we even bring my husband into this. I already know how my brothers are coming. That's first and foremost. But it's amazing to me how people will try to press that button, even when there are signs that you're like, oh, no, I'm good. I'm good. And then there are some that will press that button and depending on how you respond, they know how far they can or can't take me. So I think it all depends on the suppressor. Thankfully, I've never been the aggressor in a relationship. There's been mild flirting and stuff like that ever. Oh, you smiling. Oh, look, you can see your dimples that yellow flirt. That to me is childishness, but I've seen intense situations like I've had people come to me and my staff coming to me and say, Hey, Yolanda, can you make sure that I'm not going to overnight schedule with this person because bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla

Kandice Whitaker: 41:06

you know, we work together at the university. I had a doctor. Oh, geez, doctor now I was married, full hyphenated name where my ring all the time, babies pictures everywhere, because my kids were little. And he made sure he was put on a project with me. I didn't realize so he could talk to me. And basically, the first conversation was like, Oh, well, I'm a cute dog. And I was like, I'm married. And he basically hit me with what's your man got to do with me? See I had to make sure I was removed. Another instance, not at the same hospital at a different one. I had a man aggressively put his cell phone in my face. This is when we were still paying for roaming. So you know, it was a while ago. He talked about give me your number while you're talking to bro. So I went to my boss like yo handle this contractor who keeps aggressively asking me for my number and this. Chip. Sorry.

Rod Minger: 42:17

What was that word? I didn't get the word. What was the word?

Yolanda Gore: 42:23

That part?

Kandice Whitaker: 42:25

This chick? Don't tell me. You should be happy somebody wants you to number.

Yolanda Gore: 42:33

J is that

Rod Minger: 42:35

this is a white?

Kandice Whitaker: 42:38

Yes, it was a white? Of course it was. Of course.

Rod Minger: 42:43

They'd love to be flooded with the words. Have you seen them on those corporate events. I mean, they are a different person, when they get their job involves them get on a plane and go into another destination. They loose.

Yolanda Gore: 42:54

Yeah. They want to drink.

Rod Minger: 42:58

They want to mix out. They want to mix the Brown, the white, the tequila, the white beard, they want to mix it all up. They want to put their car to the hotel room and your pocket. Come up there is up. And let's do it and get up and leave. So I call my husband my kids on FaceTime to mom, which I'm missing my loved one. You know, I've

Yolanda Gore: 43:17

seen it. I was when

Kandice Whitaker: 43:20

I was a consultant and men assumed that was me. I was like, I'm not a white. I didn't do this. That wasn't my behavior. I can tell you everywhere it was to eat though.

Rod Minger: 43:35

I was corporate I want to go somewhere to eat. I want to find some food from somewhere. That's what yeah, that was my goal. What a good bargain what it was fake it. That's one time it was.

Yolanda Gore: 43:43

I'm glad I've never personally experienced aggressive behavior. Like aggressive

Kandice Whitaker: 43:48

back knowing your ass. Oh, yeah,

Yolanda Gore: 43:51

I only have one time where I had to tell somebody pretty much you're not gonna make it home. Last night, you saw what she said that was the closest I've ever gotten to feeling like somebody who's getting a little too aggressive. I've seen it. I've had staff that reported to me, that's a very horrible situation to be into. I can imagine that it's very uncomfortable, especially when that's not the attention you're looking for. But some and I'm saying this from being a heterosexual female. Some of these men can be so aggressive and I know I can also I've seen women be extra extra aggressive to

Rod Minger: 44:24

Oh, you don't want my number what you gay? Wow. Right? Right.

Yolanda Gore: 44:28

It's like no, I'm in a committed relationship with somebody that will literally rip your throat box out to your neck. If you keep like, I It's I've seen it. It's very uncomfortable. I had to do one instance where I reported it to HR and that was uncomfortable in itself. I think we all have experienced inappropriate behavior at some point and I think the set how far it goes depends on how you handle the situation.

Kandice Whitaker: 44:58

Let me ask y'all something for real though. as people of color, do you think we are held to a different standard in that regard? And do you think we have an additional responsibility? Because of the standard? Yes.

Yolanda Gore: 45:13

Especially as things are brought to HR, because I feel like as people of color there going to be questions asked that wouldn't necessarily be asked for someone who is not a person of color in this situation. Question. Yeah, they're gonna start asking questions like, Well, what did you have on? How could you have possibly made this more? You know what I mean? Like them on? Exactly, exactly. So I do feel like the standard for us is is different and it's not fair of course, because it's now like, pretty much alluding to a woman shaped leanness and what they had on it. Maybe that could have been a bit more, you know, made someone believed that they were trying to it's just like, what does that have to do with what I'm telling you? It happened? I don't care what I had on because of

Rod Minger: 45:56

his Vicki. It's like, Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. That happened to you. Exactly. So there had to be so dramatic. I'm so terribly. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's terrifying. Are you okay? Are you what you had on? Would you say? Have you ever been doing inappropriate texts? On social media? Yeah. Oh, there? Yeah, definitely agree.

Kandice Whitaker: 46:15

I used to happen to sexual assault and rape victims, but like certain laws have made them not be able to do that. But like, think of it a little bit differently. And I agree with what you guys are saying. But I'm thinking like, is so hard for us people who call it a seasoned diaspora to get in certain spaces, especially when you talk about corporate? Why would you put it on the line over somebody's son in my case as she peanuts Wow. work too hard. You're messing up my paper. ashy penis is a billion people in the world we could find somebody else

Rod Minger: 47:02

to ask you came from all right. I'm done. Okay, I,

Yolanda Gore: 47:12

I I'm not putting that to bring this full circle. I'm not putting my money on the line for nobody. That's not your story, right is beautiful. I think that that's like a one in a million kind of thing. It's not something that you hear too often, especially with it being successful. So I think that it's beautiful. You're the outlier or you're the exception. It don't happen like that for many people. And I will continue with saying don't do it. I feel like if you feel that heavily for someone, you will find another job so that y'all can still coexist. I was coming

Kandice Whitaker: 47:46

out of training room sweaty. And yeah.

Yolanda Gore: 47:50

I was doing a full blown relationship trying to keep stuff on a lot. No, listen,

Kandice Whitaker: 47:57

this has been an amazing episode. Thank you so much to our guests Rod Minger.

Rod Minger: 48:07

Disrespect

Kandice Whitaker: 48:12

with the most is my girl, Yolanda girl. We love you so much for listening. We out. Wasn't that a great interview? Hold up before you grab your hat and head out. Make sure you make your way to facebook and join the bail yourself out pod Facebook group. That's where you'll find your virtual co workers luxuriating and chatting. Thank you so much for listening. And if you enjoy the show, please leave a review. That's how we keep the lights on. If you're on social media follow your girl Kandice with a K Whitaker. And you know what, I'd love to hear from you. With that I love you. And I mean it because there are people who hate in the world for no reason I choose to love for no reason. I believe that the great Martin Luther King Jr. said hate is too great a burden to bear so I choose to love the show.