Your Life and Health

Kandice Whitaker hosts the "Bail Yourself Out Happy Hour Podcast," focusing on personal and career growth. In this episode, she discusses women's health issues with guests Shamika Rhymes and Chelley Morris. Shamika shares her experience with fibroids, including complications from surgery and the importance of advocating for oneself. Chelley recounts her journey with fibroids, the impact on her lifestyle, and the challenges of navigating the healthcare system. Both emphasize the need for better education and open discussions about women's health within the black community. They highlight the importance of having a supportive network and the role of their podcast in raising awareness and providing resources.

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Transcript

0:00  
Kandice, welcome to the bail yourself out Happy Hour Podcast, where each week we'll help you navigate the corporate jungle. Here's your host, Kandice Whitaker,

0:12  
welcome to the bail yourself out Happy Hour podcast, friends. Here we focus on personal growth, career growth and entrepreneurship, our family, who are your virtual coworkers, are dedicated to providing you with the tools and insights to turn your dreams into reality and help you get your money up. In each episode, we'll explore strategies rooted in my framework, the bail method of resilience, designed to guide you in conquering challenges and thrive. I'm your host, Kandice Whitaker, and at the age of 21 I was a determined young mother of two who wanted to ensure my best possible life and defy the odds. So I took steps towards achieving the life I desire. I got my master's degree. Then I was a sought after consultant, which led me to starting my own company. I have a passion for helping people live their life to the fullest through resilience, using the bail yourself out approach. So I'm happy you're here. Kick off your shoes and relax your feet. Fill up your favorite drink, because the bail yourself out Happy Hour podcast is about to start now. Hey, y'all Hey, welcome to the bail yourself out Happy Hour podcast, and I'm super excited about today's episode. Y'all today in today's lounge, I have the host of ladies edition podcast, Shamika rams, who's a friend to the show, but also Shelly Morris, who's a new friend. Welcome to the shows, ladies.

1:42  
You thanks for having

1:44  
us. Thank you for having us.

1:46  
Alright, so let me tell you a little bit about our girls. You know, Shamika from mofo Chronicles, y'all and, of course, check the rhymes TV. But her newest project is celebration for black doctors. I love that website, by the way. Shelly is also an author, and she has her own podcast called chit chat with Shelly Cheyenne, thank you so much for joining us. So in today's episode, we're going to talk about a topic that is near and dear to my heart. Oh, in the black community. Now y'all know we normally talk about things related to business and careers and entrepreneurship and but the reason this is so important, y'all don't turn the channel, is because if you're not healthy, you ain't doing nothing, period, and figure out as a community, right? How do we get from where we are to where we need to be? So I feel like this conversation will probably be centered on black women's health, because we're all black women talking about health, but men, we're talking to you too. Y'all need to go to the doctor too. Cough, bend over, all those things you hate to do. Alright? So I want to ask Shelly or Shamika, doesn't matter who answers first, can you share your personal journey of navigating health care and how you came to having this podcast and why this is important to you

3:00  
sure, I guess I'll, I'll start fibroids. The devil

3:04  
started

3:07  
it. Yeah, yeah, going from I first had fibroids, the first time in like, 2012 2013 and at that time, I had no idea that I needed to advocate for myself and that I needed to maybe get a second opinion, do some research. It just, you know, I take what was one doctor says, and go with it, because I had no clue. I'm just like, well, she says I have fibroids. She says we need to take them out period like there was no I didn't think about at that time, whether or not I need to do the research. What other options are there? And so fast forward. That was a whole medical debacle in itself that I do not recommend because I also didn't research that doctor. So ended up, and I'm gonna make this story short, but some complications out after that surgery. I mean to basically learn how to use my leg again and walk and do all those things that took another couple years, and it was two years of medical gaslighting along the way. Nobody could tell me what was wrong with my leg. Yeah, nobody it was, oh, you had a stroke when they put you to sleep. Oh, you know, did you? Did you fall? And then it was the actual doctor and her note saying, oh, when she left this doctor's office, she walked out just fine, not that I was dragging my leg and I couldn't pick it up to like, actually take a step. And so after all that, trying to go to lawyers, it was just a constant gaslighting circle and then going back to my GP, and he was the only doctor that listened like he was the only one that said, One, you don't need to be back at work because you're severely anemic. Like, I don't even know how you're walking from point A to point B. Nobody ever pointed that part out that I was I just thought I was tired. And then number two, he that man would not rest till he figured out what was wrong with my leg, to the point where he would call me on weekends. Like, do you have this? Do you have this? Trying to figure. Out the symptoms. Black Doctor shout out to him. Then he when I said, I want to go to a neurologist out of out of the city, he sent me there, and that neurologist is the one that got me back on track and figured out the problem. And the whole problem basically goes back to they placed me wrong on the table, the operating table that caused all the problems. So, fast forward 10 more years. Go by, fibroids come back, because that lady never took all of them out. So they grew. And so, yeah, so they just grew over that course of time. And then I ended up having to go through iron infusions, just all the things, hair coming out, like it was just awful. And I did multiple, like, kind of two, a couple more surgeries, to the point where finally, after I did, decide this time, let me go through getting a couple of I think I ended up with three opinions before it was like, Okay, I've done all I can do. Now, here's a hysterectomy. So after that hysterectomy, I thought, good lord, people must be dealing with this too. We need, we need to talk about it. So I hit Shelly up like I was, like, three weeks post op, let's do a podcast. So since she I'll let her tell her story, but she's been through some similar things, and we just thought, you know, if we're talking about it all the time, other people must be dealing with it. And there just wasn't a lot of resources where I could find out some answers to some of the questions I had. So that's my story.

6:28  
Wow, I don't even know. I'm bracing myself for Shelley's story. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, friend. I will say that the silver lining is that you were able to create a community of people and be helpful, yes, and so if nothing else, you know, thank you for doing that. Because a lot of people would just get bitter and say this happened to me, and I'm going to go home and cry to myself, but like that speaks to who you are as a person. So that's beautiful. Thank you. Kelly. You

6:56  
know, I have always been not to brag or anything like that, but I've never had any health issues. I was that baby that just came out and was like, Hey, let's get this party started. You know, never had any any health issues. Um, you know, did all my checkpoints in my 20s, you know, gynecologist, all of the things. So I always took care of myself and always felt that I was doing the right thing. And then here comes 3839 years old, and I started seeing this little pooch in the My the lower part of my stomach. And I've always been very physically, you know, pretty fit, healthy. I lived in Florida for many years, so you gotta kind of ego. You can't be fat and hot. So not the laugh. I always kept my No, no disrespect to anybody that is, but I can't be both, so I had to always kept my weight in check. And I noticed that I wasn't losing weight the the ways that I used to do, and went to the doctor. And I think around that time, I started noticing a change in my cycle, just a little minor change that kind of drew a little of my attention. And she looked at me, and I said, Yeah, you know this pooch, I don't know what this is. It looked like a little mini beer belling out eat a lot of stuff. You know, I'm, I'm I work out, I do this. And she just, it was a black doctor, and she just looked at me, and she said, Oh, I think you got fibroids. What girl? What was that I felt like the man on the color purple? He said, that's that nasty woman's illness. What did he say? I felt like that? Because I said, What? The way she looked it, you know that part. And I said, What? What is? What is fibroids? Because I had never heard of that out of all the years I was going to my gynecologist every year, she's never said anything like that. She's never even indicated that I had any issues. And she did her exam and she said, Yeah, I could feel you had and yours is big, so I'm going to send you to get an MRI and, you know, an ultrasound or whatever. So I went to get an ultrasound first, and they, you know, I think I had some issues trying to get the ultrasound, so I had to have an MRI, and they showed a lot of fibroids. I had 12. And centimeter wise, I'll just say that the majority of them were large. They were like the size of a grapefruit. And then I had two the size of, probably, like a small peach. And then there was a few smaller ones than that, but they were all like in my stomach. And when I tell you, my stomach was pushed up under my breast bone, it was I looked at least eight months pregnant, and I was not, because I wasn't doing things that would be shut

9:42  
up. Get on that lady podcast line.

9:47  
So I finally, you know, I had to go down and spread it wide, you know,

9:52  
and put to put the leg out and take it right back. So, you know, I didn't when she said that I was so. Scared because you hear this medical word and you start thinking, Oh, my God, is it cancer? Is it something I'm going to die, you know? What is this from? And she just, she gave me some pamphlets, and after she saw the results of my my scan, she just said, I'm a surgeon, and I don't even feel comfortable doing your your surgery, if you would like to have surgery. And she gave me four options. She said, My omectomy, which is to go in surgically remove your fibroids. And then the other one was hysterectomy, you know? And she said, So what are pretty much, your goals? And I said, I want to keep my uterus. I want all my stuff to go with me when I go to glory. I want it all okay? And she just said, Well, you know, you're at this point. I was 40, I didn't have children. And she said, let's I want you to be a little bit more realistic. You know that you're at that age where women may not conceive as easily. But okay, so it wasn't until I said, you know, Lord, I'm gonna just go and try to find a second opinion. And, you know, I had a second and third opinion before I in. In the second and third opinion said his hysterectomy, too. So then I said, Okay, this last venture to I was living in a DMV at the time, and I went to Johns Hopkins in in Baltimore, and I ran into an amazing surgeon there, and she looked at everything, and she said, I tell you what. Here's your options. She said, You want to have children. Okay, I'm going to make it so that you can still do that. And she listened. She took time to listen to me, and she gave me she said, I can't promise you anything, but we're going to, I'm going to give you what you at least give you a shot, a chance. And that's when I started really taking my health, like, a little bit more seriously. Like, wow. How did this How did this happen? How did these fibroids get there? What was I eating? What was I doing? What are they made from? How did they get there? And she even told me that, she says, Well, the size of your fibroids, those have been probably there growing for about 10 years, and which takes me back to my 20s and 30s, where my doctors always said, everything looks good, everything's fine. So I think it's for me, it was at that moment that I said, Wow, how things if you're not really paying attention to your body. You're not really just knowing your body inside out and being your own advocate. Going to see a second and third opinion, you know, getting all of the information, the research that I did before even having the surgery both times. I had a myomectomy the first time, and then finally had a hysterectomy for four years ago, the tons of research that I had to do because a lot of doctors weren't really giving me much when I think I had my hysterectomy first, and then Shamika had hers a few months later. And she came to me, she said, You know, I really want to do a podcast about this. I said, Girl, you know, at first I was like, I'll be talking about my privacy. Oh, I know, airways. You know, but I saw what, where she was going with this, and she was like, You, you and I both have been in this same situation, and we're coming and talking to each other, comparing notes, and we need to, we need to share this with other women. And I was like, okay, cool. And so that's what we've been doing, and we've had a lot of response from it, you know, we started the conversations before. A lot of people are now starting to talk about women's health and menopause. Now, that's all people are talking about now. But we started this two and a half years ago when there wasn't conversation, you know, going on. And so us sharing our personal stories was really it was hard to do, but it was, it was very necessary, because if we weren't getting information, and we were kind of guiding each other and helping each other, and we knew we had to do something more. So I

13:50  
don't even know what to say. I'm like, Just Wow, just wow, yeah. Like, what an experience like. I have so many questions for you. How did you know that you even needed to advocate for yourself and research,

14:04  
I guess because Shamika and I are both in different age ranges, so I always felt like, okay, maybe this is just happening to me, because in this age, you know that I'm in this range, that this these are kind of things that are happening to me. But when Shamika started revealing a lot more about her personal health issues. I was like, Girl, what y'all, you're younger, you know you're you shouldn't be having these issues or, you know, just different things that you kind of think go along with age. And I remember just saying, I want to look and see what other women are going through. Ask my friends. I have friends that are mostly my age. They're talking about stuff like this that I had never experienced. So I was kind of shocked that Shamika was having that, you know, these issues. And then we both started going online to Facebook groups. We won't talk about what happened with Shamika, but the two groups she got kicked at him,

14:59  
shot a girl. Yes, I could imagine we're

15:01  
following the rules, apparently, but we were, we were going

15:04  
on these, these Facebook, private groups of women that were talking about their health issues, fibroids, hysterectomies, all of those things to see. Okay, what is this? A black woman's thing is this just with us, and you start seeing all different races of women that are having these issues. So that's when I started saying, Okay, I need to do more research. I need to research the why? Because we were I was told fibroids, especially is a black woman's issue. That's that's something that only black women have. I was told that by several doctors that you know fibroids are mostly women of color. And then I go on Facebook and I see white women, Australian women, New Zealand women, all these women who have fibroids that are suffering just as we are. So that's what made me start doing more research about things. I wasn't getting the information from my doctors. I was just given a pamphlet and told, Well, here's your option, so let us know what you want to do. You know,

15:59  
I'm just curious. I know you said your last doctor was in the DMV at Johns Hopkins, but where were the other doctors? Just curious. They

16:07  
were in Maryland. I had a primary care in Maryland, two primary cares in Maryland. They both were black women at the time. And then when I lived in Tampa, Florida, I had one gynecologist, and she was my everything. I went to her for general practice, as was I got, I got my co pay worth from her. Okay,

16:27  
black, black women do that. They use their GYN for everything. That's pretty common. I've

16:31  
heard, yeah, yeah. And I was younger, and I didn't know, I didn't know that you had all these different specialties, and I didn't know that you need to have a separate gynecologist, not the just the one from, you know, a general practice person. You need to have your separate specialists. And so I didn't

16:48  
realize that there were different specialties until my sister was going through endometriosis and the different doctors she had to go to. So when my black doctor said, Oh, you have fibroids and your irons low. And I said, What we gonna do about it? She said, nothing. Let's just wait and see. No sir. And I said, No, I'm not about to take this risk again of not being able to walk. Like, what are we doing? And she just kind of was like, let's just wait and see. And at that point, I had had other things, but that I didn't know that was attributing to low ferritin. And so, because all she said was low iron, take these pills over the counter. And then my GP, at the time, she was like, on my neck, like, No, you're going to a hematologist to handle this iron issue because your body's not retaining the iron, and we need to get to the bottom of why. And then my sister said, I really think you should go to these pelvic pain Women's Health surgeons, but they specialize in endometriosis and fibroids and things like that. So that is who I ultimately ended up going to. And they are the ones that said, Okay, let's do the MRI. Let's see how many fibroids you have. And when I saw that MRI, I was like, whose stuff is that? Put all that stuff in there?

18:04  
Who's it that? Wow, there were

18:07  
adenomyosis cysts, all kind of things up in there that all she was gonna, I

18:13  
should dance to Prancer, man, basically, basically,

18:17  
I was just, like, she just want to write it on off.

18:21  
No, ma'am, listen, this is a good place to make a break. When we come back, I'm going to start the break with all the different doctors you should have, at very least. One of the things that you mentioned in the last break, that I think in this break, that has been key, is that you need different doctors, different specialties, especially as a woman, for different things, I'll talk about that when we get back really quick, we'll be back feeling stuck at work.

18:46  
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18:50  
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18:58  
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19:00  
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19:06  
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19:27  
Hey, y'all, Hey, welcome back to the bail yourself out Happy Hour Podcast. I'm chilling in the lounge today with my friends and CO hosts Tamika Rhimes and Shelly Morris. They are co hosts of ladies edition podcast. Y'all check them out. So before the last break, I said that I would tell y'all what kind of doctors you need. Now, here's one thing about me, I laugh and I joke, but I do not play, right? And I'm not an expert, but I do know about this a little bit, right? Because I've worked in healthcare. It for just about 20 years at this point, every. They should have a PCP, a primary care physician. Urgent Care is not good enough. Like, you need somebody who has a relationship with you, because history is just as important as understanding what's wrong with you today. Like, I don't think people really understand. Like, if you go in because your toe hurts, it could be of your history, family history, or your grandma, somebody, if you have a continuous relationship with someone, they can better treat you, because they understand that, right? But shopping for a doctor, one of the points that the ladies made that I want to call out to you guys is you've gotta make sure that they listen to you. So if you go to a PCP and you feel like y'all are not hitting they're not listening to you, go get another one. You know, statistically, women, and especially women of color, we are more likely to change physicians more, and it could be for some of the reasons that you guys mentioned. So you definitely need a PCP. Now, here's the thing, there are two types of PCPs. They're the family doctor who's going to see everybody, pretty much, from baby to geriatric but then there's like an internal medicine doctor who pretty much only sees adults. There's pediatricians who only see kids. And then there's gerontologists, geriatric doctors who only see older people, right senior citizens. And each age range has their own special needs. So you know, if your kid has special needs, you might want to take them to a pediatrician, as opposed to regular family doctor, because they're used to just seeing kids in addition to your PCP being and I'm saying doctor, because that's what people normally say. But it doesn't necessarily need to be a doctor. I won't go down that rabbit hole, but you can have a PA a physician's assistant. You could also have a nurse practitioner. My preference is nurse practitioners personally, because I feel like their bedside manner in general tends to be a little better than doctors. And so if you get a nurse practitioner, there'll be an advanced degree nurse who a doctor is supervising everything that they do in terms of your care. You know you definitely want to have a dentist. Ladies, you definitely want to have a GYN. And not just if you're pregnant, but if you are sexually active, you want to have a GYN. Now, back to that family medicine thing. What Shelly was talking about, some family medicine, some internal medicine. Doctors do GYN. But again, the study of female reproductive organs is a specialty, which is gynecology. And remember, that is the difference between a regular doctor and a gynecologist their years of study in specifically the women's female organs. So that's your choice, whether you want to have one or not. I was telling the ladies during the break I got a new PCP because I got new insurance this year. And she was like, Oh, I could do your GYN exam. I was like, I already got my appointment. Ma'am, I'm good. Thank you. She was like, I'm just seeing you a trip. I want the specialist, but that's just me. And the other thing that I'm going to say is, don't be afraid to ask questions, even when they seem pissed off with you. Don't be afraid of pissing that folks off because that don't mean nothing. So you mad, and you getting paid for this visit. And, I mean, this is a service job. You're wearing a white coat, but this is a service job. Friend, you mad? Okay, my grandmother would say, scratch your butt and get glad. I don't know what to tell you at this point. So I think that's it. You need a PCP for women in GYN, definitely a dentist. And so, you know, if your heart problems, you need a cardiologist. Anybody who got diabetes, you need to go see an endocrinologist. You need an endocrinologist. Like those are the main things. I think you guys got a whole education and being sick, and that's something that I think about a lot, not because being age, not feeling well, and then not only hearing the information of what you need to do to get well, right, but we haven't even really even talked about the insurance and what they covered and how much of a bill you had, and you could only be in the damn hospital for two nights, and they have their rules, and I don't think people really understand that. And by the way, I believe in universal health care. Might mean I don't have a job, but it's for the greater good. But anyway, what was that experience like? Trying to be sick? Because I think about that often, I see a lot of patients who are very sick, who have a lot of bills and have a lot of visits. Nobody goes to the doctors for no reason, right? How was that part? Neither one of you can have

24:18  
stressful,

24:21  
stressful I feel like I have had so many doctor's appointments in the past couple years dealing with my knee more than anything physical therapy. Then it's physical therapy for the knee, then physical therapy for the pelvic floor, because nobody told me I needed pelvic floor physical therapy like and then it just goes on and on and on and on as your hormones are bouncing out of control. Oh, let me go to the doctor for this. Let me go to a different doctor for this. Like, it's just a constant. I'm lucky I have a flexible job where they like, she at the doctor again, like they don't they at this point, they're like, she at the doctor. Doctor again, but at my previous job, it was an issue, because when I had that first myomectomy, I worked in a newsroom, and I was only supposed to be out eight weeks, and because of all the issues that popped up after my one doctor decided okay, because the gynecologist that did the surgery, which, by the way, I just will never have my gynecologist do a surgery that they don't do all the time. I wanted a surgeon that that's what they did all day long every day. So back up too. So anyway, so I ended up being out an additional a total of three months while I was trying to figure out. One, I gotta get my iron back up. Two, I couldn't sit for long, so I couldn't do like a my regular eight, nine hour shift, and the walking issue, and so I was told, if you don't come back to work, you're going to lose your job. So the compromise there was, okay, I can come to work on a part time basis, because I can't sit for very long. And so even with that, it was just a constant. I had to fight because even, sadly, we had no handicap spots, and I had to fight for a spot until they got some put there in front of the station. He made me a spot that was like, right there, close to the stairs. And I was like, sir, I can't walk up them stairs, because that was the entrance to get in. I was like, I cannot walk up them stairs. I can barely get out this car to get to the sidewalk. I can't walk up them stairs. So they put in an elevator beside the stairs. And so those things, and then those things are still in place there. Now I'm not there, but it's like the fact that I had to fight for those things, those simple things that should have already been in place, yeah? So it just, it was a lot, it was a lot of stress. And then those days where it just, I was in so much pain that I could not come to work, it was, if you don't come to work, you're going to lose your job, because that wasn't at the time you couldn't do it remotely. So, yeah, stress, like,

26:55  
what reasonable

26:56  
accommodations? What about the EEOC? Like, we what

26:59  
exactly,

27:00  
exactly, exactly. What is that? Called the ADA. All the ADA is American Disabilities. They care not about that. What they repeated to me over the years was we need bodies in this newsroom, and so that's kind of and then at that point, it made me realize, like, Y'all don't care about me. Y'all just need somebody to get that news on the TV.

27:23  
Why that sound like a plantation?

27:25  
And that felt like it. I literally, you know what? My Facebook memory popped up, and I used to call that place the plantation,

27:31  
bam, because what you just said, I'll be picking this cotton. Oh, man. What we doing? Right?

27:41  
Yeah, exactly. Oh,

27:43  
my God,

27:45  
what? Yes, hopefully they had

27:47  
at least good insurance. No,

27:49  
the insurance was good, but, you know, and I ended up not having to pay a lot of the bills from that surgery, because that doctor knew she messed up to sue. They asked, right? So I mean of complaint with the medical board every lawyer I talked to, because in the state of North Carolina, they kept saying, because of the stuff, she wrote in the notes, like they're going to go with, it's a he say, she say thing. But she protected herself. So, you know, even with the threat of a lawsuit, and of course, she knew she was reported to the medical board, somehow, I only ended up paying, like, the the copay, which was $300 for that surgery, something,

28:25  
oh, my God, I was still too much to have your legs jacked up and be in pain. But like, Did anything happen to her subsequently, like, did she follow up with you? Anything? No,

28:38  
absolutely not. Not one word. And then I think when the that particular office called me said, hey, it's time for your annual exam, you learn all time

28:47  
high. Because I know, right,

28:51  
no, you learn they were like you can see somebody else in the practice. I'm not coming back in that building ever, even when I drive by now I want to throw rocks. You should yeah, yeah. So when I finally did my research after the fact, I saw there were a lot of complaints against her, her bedside manner sucks. My parents still talk about how awful she was. Oh, let me back up. I don't even know if I shared this on the ladies edition podcast, but when I arrived for surgery, they were like, so we're removing your thyroid, Lord, ma'am, I said, No, where? Where's the thyroid located? Because if it ain't down here,

29:29  
that better be a difficult

29:32  
for those who can't see it. Your thyroid is like a bow tie on your neck, in your neck, right? Yeah. Ma'am, right.

29:40  
Oh, I don't know what she had on them notes, but they had on the paper thyroid. I should have got up and walked out then. But

29:48  
don't be too hard on yourself. I did think that. I didn't want to say it, but now, since the cat is out the bag,

29:53  
yeah, I mean, if that's where me now, I would have got up and walked out, damn. But. I'm gonna blame grief for me not getting up and walking out because my grandma had just died, and I literally had the surgery like a month and a half later. So it was, yeah,

30:08  
you wasn't. No, I understand that both of my grandmothers passed away in the same year, a month apart, and right? I didn't realize until like a year later that I was depressed for like, a year, it was that much Shelly. What was your experience with everything else, coordinating the appointments, like those, really day to day tasks, of all of this in your health care scenario?

30:32  
Yeah, from the time that I first had fibroids, it was probably a year later when I actually had surgery. Because during that time I was, it was a little due to fear, because I had never had surgery before. So at that point I was just like doing a lot of research, trying to try all these different methods, holistic methods, to, you know, rubbing stuff on my belly, to taking stuff, sorry, cold, you know, all these different stupid, yeah, I'm not going to say stupid, because they probably work for somebody. I did remember our guest, our guest for her. I ain't going to talk about eating clay, but it was coming to that point where I was rubbing all kind of castor oils and, you know, herbs. I was putting cinnamon on my stomach and down in my navel, just stuff to to, don't judge me, but I did, because the cinnamon and cayenne pepper is supposed to, you know, unite, and then just get get it going where it seeps into your skin and can get into that hardened fibroid. So that's what the website said, honey. I tried it, okay, and so moving along. So after trying everything and nothing worked, I was eating Popeyes every day, to the point where I would go buy Popeyes, literally after work, and I never ate. Why? Cuz, you know, fibroids, at least mine, mine was some hungry demons. Fibroids kind of act like you're pregnant, they make you feel and have all the, I guess, all of the emotions, or whatever, of of being pregnant. So I started eating all kind of stuff that I didn't have. And I remember just going to pop eyes every day after work for a long time. And to the point where my students, because I worked for a university there, to the point where my students be like, they would hear my voice on the on the drive through. They'd be like, Miss Shelley is back. Give a number four extra white in South

32:29  
be Well, you say, you know my order,

32:32  
you know my order. Pull up. Here you go, Mr. You know. Like it was expensive, but so it took a year for me to actually get the surgery done. I did have a solid date, and then the day that my surgery was Prince died, so I remember that I'm a huge Prince fan. And so I said, Okay. And my mother was like, Uh, are you still trying to have surgery today? I was like, No, so I had to push it off, and that was another four to five months, you know, before I can get in. So meantime, I'm suffering. The meantime, I'm trying to schedule things with my work and make sure that insurance is going to be, you know, on point, I had a great director at the time who went through the same thing, so she she was understandable of what I was going through, and just helping me deal with that process, and finally had the surgery, and it was just those appointments and going back and trying and research and research and research, of just combing the internet, trying to see what else I could do, trying to is there a way around having surgery, all of those things, and then on top of that, Dealing with the emotional side of what this woman to now have to, you know, during that time, I was dating someone, so I was like, Okay, I don't know if this is going to take my youth. When these five were, you know, I was dramatic. I was, listen,

33:54  
I'm dramatic too. I appreciate the drama. Imma get over it, but Imma be dramatic first. So I was dramatic.

34:01  
And I was just like, I don't know if this is going to take my womanhood. And he said, Well, what womanhood?

34:06  
Oh, my God, Scarlet. I did.

34:10  
I didn't know I had never had, you know, you see a lot of stuff on the internet. That's why they say don't go looking on it sometimes. So, but MD,

34:19  
going kill you every time, man, oh yeah,

34:23  
oh yeah, it's always that. And so I didn't really have, like, Thank God, too many issues. When it came to my job, you know, I was able to have six to eight weeks off after surgery. I was able to not have a huge you know, as far as financial obligation. My insurance was good at the time. It covered pretty much everything. I probably had maybe 2000 to pay. And I'm thankful for that, because there's a lot of women who sit and suffer because they can't afford it. They can't afford 2000 that's too much, right? Yeah, exactly, and it's still too much. But, you know, I didn't really have any. Anything else, like any other debt. So I was like, Okay, I'll pay that off. Y'all getting $25 a month, but y'all get real money. John, after

35:07  
a while, listen, life hack, y'all all these hospitals, they have funding. If you ain't got no money, call them up, make your payment plan. If you don't have money, go sit and talk to a financial counselor. They got programs. They got grants. You just have to go through the process. Don't not get care. Walk around in pain because of a bill like you got a bill before just going to make another one pretend this MasterCard, right?

35:38  
No interest, right? Yeah, all right. This is a good

35:41  
place to take a break. We'll be back. Join us on Fridays in June and December for real talk, deep dives and a splash of inspiration. Whether you're looking to level up break free from the grind or just need a good laugh, this is the place for you. So grab your drink, tune in, and let's get to it. You're

36:01  
listening to the Kandice Whitaker on the bail yourself out Happy Hour podcast.

36:08  
Alright, y'all, welcome back to the bail yourself out Happy Hour lounge. Y'all, I'm chilling today with Shelly and Shamika, our co host of ladies edition podcast. We've been talking about health, women's health, specifically their journey through their personal health stories, which made them become women's health advocates, but then also create a community with a podcast and people who would like them to try to get help and advice and ask you guys this, there's a reason that you made this podcast and made this community, and I know that you guys are friends, at least you knew somebody who was going through the same thing at the same time. So did you find it hard to talk to the people who you knew, who weren't going through it, your family, your friends? What was that experience like navigating being sick and trying to understand what you needed to do to get better. And like, did you have any struggles there?

37:03  
I didn't know anybody that was going through it when I had fibroids the first time, so I kind of took it on by myself, even all the doctors appointments and and all the things by myself, like dragging this leg all over the city, going to appointments by myself. And I think part of that was I was also still grieving, so it was kind of like I just won't be by myself. I don't want you know my though my sister could relate, because her endometriosis battle, like she was dealing with that, but she was kind of the same, like nobody else was dealing with that. So it was like a separate thing. But when the fibroids came back this time. I think it was a little easier to talk about it, because I'd already gone through it the first time, though the iron fusion part was like new, and it was kind of a I thought, You know what, I'm just going to start writing about these experiences as well. Like, you know, I'd never really pitched articles about what I was going through as far as that. And so I started doing that and blogging a little bit more about it. And so I think once I did that, and I people started kind of responding to it, I was like, Okay, well, there is other random people out here in this world that that want to talk about it. And of course, you know, talking to Shelly about it, but other people, and my parents, they still don't get it. Like my dad's still asking me, What is a fibroid? Where is it located? He still doesn't understand what a hysterectomy is like. None of that stuff has no clue, trying to explain to and we've had men on our podcast trying to explain to them what this stuff is. People are clueless. Even a sorority sister, she had no idea really what a hysterectomy was. So part of it has been this, okay, I have to educate you before I can talk about it. Kind of thing that's

38:46  
exhausting to talk about it. You were talking like you were talking to a man every single time, yeah, basically, basically, basically. I remember one time after I had my last child, I went to get my tubes tied right? And I ended up not because that's a whole different conversation, because they made me have a waiting period to make sure I actually really wanted to. So they wouldn't do it right after I had the baby, even though I'd said I wanted to have it, they're like, We want to make sure that you're sure I'm a grown up. Well, in this conversation with same GYN, he said to me, do you know, after you have YouTube stars, you won't be able to have any more children? And I said, Okay, you're used to talking to dumb people, I can tell. Because what the hell was that? Both of y'all facts, that was my thing, but it speaks to what you were saying, Shamika, like when you said that, it made me think of that moment. I was like, Oh, my God, are people out there who don't realize they'll be steroids when you do that, right? If that's the case, you shouldn't be bumping uglies. But that's a different conversation.

39:58  
I. Yeah.

40:01  
So, I mean, Shamika, you said something about you found it easier to write, so it was like you used your art, right? Cuz writing is a form of art. You use your art to express yourself and to create a community, because you didn't have one with the people you know, right? So it sounds like you did you know. Kelly, what did you do was that your experience? Did you have people you could talk to that you knew

40:23  
I did. I talked to a lot of the the women that were, you know, I was very close to at the time, and I always had heard them say little things about fibroids, but I was like, What y'all doing? You know, because I hadn't experienced that.

40:39  
That's a woman's decision. I didn't

40:40  
know you were judging us.

40:43  
No, it wasn't. I don't want to, I don't want it to seem like I was, but I have always had a virginal body. Okay? I don't need either one of y'all eyes, because I just it's what I said I am. But I so I never had had any issues. But then I'm like, let me ask them. Okay, so what did you do about your fibers? Oh, nothing. They still in there. No, you know, it was all these different answers. But I think I found it easier to talk to SHAMEKA because, you know, we had similarities and around the same time, and I don't really share I'm not really a sharer in that way with my personal stuff. So I just felt to go to SHAMEKA with it, and then there were other women that I started to talk to once the podcast came out, that's when I started talking more, because people started asking me different questions. I was like, Well, come for a show, or write into our show, and they be like, no, just ask the question. You know, it was. It's been that kind of thing where sometimes I've gotten to the point where I'm answering questions as if I am a healthcare professional and I'm not, but, but when I hear like, a co worker of mine, she was explaining some things that she's going through, and we're just talking, she's like, fanning herself. I said, girl. I said, I'm gonna tell you right now. Go on and just get you a fan. Here's, here's, like, here's a little starter, starter kit. She's, like, I'm only 35 Harry, you're in Perry, okay? Because you we just barely walk in, you sweating like you own something. Okay? You need a handkercher. You need a wash rack,

42:13  
not like Whitney on the stage. Friend, yes. So, so

42:18  
it was very easy to just talk to Shamika, or just women who I knew that gone through it. I didn't really talk to my mom too much about it, because, you know, she was of that generation that just didn't talk about right, those things. So there was little I told her about the fibroids, and she was like, what is that? You know? And I told her, I said, Mom, after the surgery, if these come back, because they say that these might come back, I'm going to do a hysterectom not going through this again. This process was hard. I'm not going through this surgery again. I ain't getting cut off. And she was against, you know, the hysterectomy. So I just took comfort in talking to SHAMEKA, talking on the podcast about it, hearing from other women who have heard our podcast and listened and really appreciated the things that we're saying, because they are sitting there, clueless. A lot of them are clueless about all of this stuff and have no idea how important it is to keep track of what's going on in your body. Even the littlest pain or the littlest thing can be something more severe if you just ignore it. So that's just my experience. I just really appreciate it, after a while, that we had this place to talk about our issues and bring them out and hopefully share and help other women. Love

43:27  
that Shelly, I think you earlier, you mentioned something really briefly in passing about how your diet affected your fibroids. Can you tell us a little bit more about that? Because I

43:37  
was like, you know, I was on this, this whole thing of trying to figure out what causes them. And every doctor that I talked to research was just saying there, we didn't know there's nothing. Now they're coming out with hair. But I've always heard black women, you know, oh, it's the, it's the hair products you guys are using. It's the food that you're eating. It's the, you know, it's the things in your food. It's chemicals that you put on your body. So they're in number one. It's stress. I had one doctor tell me it's stress related. And so for me, I knew something was off when I started eating stuff that I do not eat like that. Now I'll partake inside, right pie, uh, every now and again, but every day for months, and I wasn't gaining any more. That was the funny part. I wasn't gaining any more weight. You did that. It was just all kind of because I was because I was still working out, thinking that that was helping my fibroids, but it really wasn't doing nothing. Fiber was like, Girl Gone and steal that treadmill, but you gonna hit that Popeyes on your way home. Extra sauce, you know. So I don't know what helped. You know what happened with my eating? I was scared of now in getting bigger from the eating and gaining weight from that, but the fibroids just kept it, kept it going, and kept eating and wanting me to eat stuff I was eating all kind of stuff, candy corn. I don't like candy. Corn

45:00  
egg. Just tell me you like candle wax. What I love candy

45:03  
corn. You would see, that's

45:07  
cool. I mean, the things I craved were, were like, I was would hit target up. Every night I got off work at 10 o'clock, I would hit up target because the one by my house at that time stayed open till 11. I would get Ben and Jerry's peanut butter and banana ice cream all the, like, the the little pint every night, and a bag of, like, the big bag of M, M's, because that's what I was craving. Like, I never once I had the my back to me, I didn't eat ice cream again after that.

45:33  
Yeah, okay, but you didn't

45:35  
just buy five for the week. Yeah,

45:37  
that's crazy. Yeah.

45:40  
And even, even this last time I when I had fibroids, I craved Debbie cakes. Debbie cakes and pregnants. That's what my thing like. I was literally in Publix. They had the nerve to be out of the nutty buddies. And I stood in there, and I called my mama, and I said, they don't have them. I was crying. And she was like, okay, just go to another store, like, hormones, yeah, oh, wow, yeah.

46:07  
So that's, that's, that's what we're thinking it is now. But nobody told us what any of this could be from. You know, we had a few specialists on our show, holistic health professionals that we're talking about mainly stress, that stress causes it anything, maybe trauma that you've held on to your whole life. You had some trauma in your life, which fibroids and illness can develop from. And so we went down the rabbit hole on our Yeah, so it's a whole big thing that we just through the medical professionals that Shamika and I talk to we've just learned so much about them that we're like, my sister in law calls me the fibroid queens, because we just, anytime she calls me, she's like, so what did Shamika do? So with her fibroid did she have to podcast episode seven? You know? Like, yeah. Is, is that

46:59  
yeah? And this is why I'm an advocate for cuss they ask out today. I'm not holding no stress. That's exactly why women get autoimmune diseases we get now, fibroid because I'm holding this stress. No, I'm not going to be stressed alone cuss them out today. I'm an advocate for that. Yes, and amen, I'll pray about it when I'm done. Okay? One thing that you touched on was the stigma within the black community about talking about these types of things. And it's funny, as you said that, right? I don't know any of your people, but I could see the Hunt's shoulders and hear the whispered voices. I know she got female issues, cuz, you know, it's how we talk about stuff, so we unhunt, chop shoulders, sit up straight and say it with our chest, like your community is in a beautiful place to start, right? But I would venture to say that this is one conversation of a bunch of other conversations that we need to have, like, What is your thought process there? Like, you guys are definitely doing your part within the effort of fibroids. But how can we do this? How can we open up the conversation where it's not such a stigma within the community? Have you thought about it? No pressure though, to start

48:16  
talking. Yeah. I think that's the issue. I mean, I had to go through a whole line of women in my family to find out which one of y'all done had this, because Mommy says she didn't have it. My mother since passed 2020 so I can't ask her, but when I did, you know she didn't have them. And so I started on my aunt's side and my cousin's sides and the different women so and and I just noticed it's usually a generational thing where a lot of previous generations don't want to they they just don't talk about that stuff. You just, you figure it out, you deal with it. We're going through menopause right now, and I'm like, How did y'all deal with this? What y'all weren't on some patches or something,

48:55  
especially with no air conditioning? Yeah, in the heat.

48:59  
So I think that's the first step. Is just to start talking and stop being ashamed of, you know, being a woman, you know, stop being ashamed of our issues. Stop being ashamed of talking about how irregular your cycle is, because that may make people think that something's wrong with me. I don't want my boyfriend knowing that I have fibers. I don't want him knowing my boyfriend, my aunt, he found my fibroid for me. I didn't even know that. What it was he was feeling on on my stomach. It was a moment, and he felt like a knot,

49:32  
the virginal one, right? We were praying.

49:33  
We were praying. He placed his hand upon my stomach. He

49:39  
laid his hands on you. Oh yes, he did see, see, and he and he

49:43  
felt that so so because of him, that's what led me down to figure out, what is this, not that I'm feeling, but we can't be ashamed to to talk about these things, even with our partners, because they, you know, they don't, may not go through as much. As we do as women, but they still will be that that advocate for us, to help us, to push us to get our help that we need my turn.

50:13  
I think for me, one of the things that being a the host of celebration on black doctor.org I started to bring these same conversations over there, because one it will, it reaches a bit of a larger audience. But at the same time, I see the comments from some of the people when I bring an expert on, and they're asking, Well, can you do a show on endometriosis? Can you do a show on this? Like, I want to know more about this. And I'm like, Well, ladies edition's been here, but okay, but I think the more there are platforms that, like black doctor.org that are talking about these things, then more people are kind of like, oh, okay, it's okay to talk about it like they talk a little bit about everything now, but I was brought on to bring that lifestyle aspect to it. Of, okay, let's like, you know, and I'll share my experiences on there. And then that that kind of, I think, opens the door for people in the comments to start sharing their experiences. And I think that goes a long way, because you start talking about it, and then they start sharing, okay, well, here's this expert, this is what they said, or here's this podcast. This is what these ladies were talking about. So I think that's one of the other things, is people gotta one, listen to us, whether, whatever platform it is, read about it, and those we I feel like even with black doctor.org, they've got that responsibility, as well as some other platforms, to talk about it, right, right? I think that's, that's the biggest thing is, I don't know, while they had plenty of articles on their website. I don't know that they had actually had a show that specifically focused on these topics. I mean, I may not do one every month, but I try to throw it in there as much as I can, just because I'm like, these women are going through it like, I've done two menopause episodes just this month. Well, it is menopause Awareness month in October, but, but I've just tried to make sure that that has been a topic that's highlighted, because people aren't talking about these menopause symptoms, and

52:09  
everybody walking around with them, right? And Shelly

52:12  
talked about patches. That's patches. I only know the ones when you go on a cruise. Now I gotta google it when we get off the pot.

52:20  
I should have brought my little my little box of patches up here.

52:25  
See, I learned something today. Melissa, this has been an amazing episode. Ladies Shelly, tell people how they can get in contact with you and read your book and listen to your blogs, all of that you

52:37  
can find chitchat with Shelly Cheyenne on all streaming platforms. I haven't made any episodes lately, but there's plenty for you to listen to. It's about two, two or three seasons there, and then my book, empower the greatness within you in 21 days, is on Amazon and all of the bookstores that you can find books where you do your reading. Um, social media. I'm on Facebook and Instagram as Shelly Purple Rain. That's my name on on those areas,

53:08  
good friend. How can people greet you? Let's see

53:10  
um mofo Chronicles on all the things. Um mofo Chronicles com is the blog Tiktok and YouTube and Facebook. Check the rhymes TV. And I'm like, what else? Oh, celebration is on every Wednesday, on black doctor.org, live platforms, which is on Facebook and YouTube. And then, of course, follow us on ladies edition, yes,

53:32  
ladies edition on the streaming platforms and social media. Yes, places,

53:36  
alright. And as always, to our friends listening to the lounge. I love you. And I mean, it wasn't that a great interview. Hold up before you grab your hat and head out, make sure you make your way to facebook and join the bail yourself out pod Facebook group. That's where you'll find your virtual co workers luxuriating and chatting. Thank you so much for listening, and if you enjoy the show, please leave a review. That's how we keep the lights on if you're on social media, follow your girl, Kandice, with a K Whitaker. And you know what, I'd love to hear from you with that I love you, and I mean it because there are people who hate in the world for no reason. I choose to love for no reason. I believe, as the great Martin Luther King Jr, said, hate is too great a burden to bear, so I choose to love. Peace. Y'all. I.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai